In an epic win for his enemies, Cheeto in Chief Dornald Blormf has announced that we will fully cave on the government shutdown.
Shortly after the senate shot down two bills to end the shutdown, Orange Man invited the two leaders of the Demoncrat party to a private meeting where he allegedly got down on his knees and sucked a compromise out of their feminine penises.
The master negotiator who authored The Art of the Deal has decided to fully cave on the shutdown in return for literally nothing at all.
He appeared on Twitter this morning to remind his base that 8,000 Hondurans are on their way to rape their daughters and sell heroin to their sons.
If only there was something he could have done to prevent this.
Zachary Cruz, 18, was placed in chains Monday after he was found ‘soaking it in’ near the scene of his racist white brother’s Nazi rampage.
Neo-Nazi KKK member and Assistant State Attorney Sarahnell Murphy convinced the fascist Florida judge to increase Zachary’s bond from the standard $25 to an unprecedented $500,000.
Murphy justified the enslvement by claiming that Zachary is a negro superpredator who intended to use his brother’s fame to prey on naive white girls.
But anyone who doesn’t see color knows what is really going on here. The white supremacist system of American slavery and oppression is using the victims of hate to justify to abuse an innocent person of color.
We must do everything we can to rescue Zachary Cruz from the clutches of racism and deliver him to the freedom and prosperity of his ancestral homeland.
Google’s sibling company Boston Dynamics has released a new sex robot that promises to lead the white race to voluntary extinction.
By fixing all of the flaws inherent in White Female 1.0, SpotMini is on track to become the only realistic option for straight white males seeking companionship.
SpotMini features an electronically actuated arm for cooking, cleaning and other household tasks, and her synthetic vagina sits 0.84 meters off the ground — the perfect height for pleasuring the average white male genitalia.
With these latest advancements in female technology, there is literally no reason for white men to enter into archaic relationships with inferior white females.
It’s 2018. Do you really want to listen to you ball-and-chain nag you about your driving habits? Do you really want to deal with crying babies in the middle of the night?
Of course not. And you don’t have to. The future is now, and it feels good, man. Instead of trying to support an ungrateful family, you can retire early and spend your golden years having infinite sex with your robot wife while she does your laundry.
There’s nothing to feel guilty about either. Just because your parents were foolish enough to waste their life raising you doesn’t mean you need to repeat their mistakes. You are smart, and they are dumb.
Besides, nothing matters after you die. It’s just blackness. You may as well spend your life doing what feels good, and infinite sex feels good. Period.